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20 replies
littletinkers · 27/07/2011 21:45
My MIL can be an absolute nightmare. over the years I have experienced endless hating, judgemental looks and comments. For example when my husband was very ill with arthritis and I was looking after him she told me "your shoulders aren't the broadest", when I was ill with postnatal depression she told me "your children didn't ask to be born" and berated my mother for her parenting saying it was her fault as a parent I was ill and "what has my son got himself into, marrying someone so unbalanced"... recently she told me "what you want is for him to come home and do your job as well as his own" ie do a bit of washing up or childcare... she comments on what I do with the children and what we buy, my weight, there are endless exchanged negative glances between her and her husband or my sister-in-law. Recently I stood up to her and told her if it didn't stop either there would be conflict as I would start responding or she would see less of the family. Her response? She has started being colder towards the children... nice woman (not). I know this kind of thing happens a lot to people of course but it is not nice having to deal with such a bitch!
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amothersplaceisinthewrong · 27/07/2011 21:49
I think I would give up seeing her altoghether...
Pameladej · 28/07/2011 08:05
I generally get on well with my MIL but since DS1 was born 4 months ago she has frequently driven me up the wall with her 'helpful' comments. I know she is just trying to pass on what she thinks is her expert knowledge from having brought up 3 children herself so am trying respond to her advice by smiling, saying 'maybe' and then carrying on with what I was doing anyway!
It sounds like she is a lot worse than the average MIL. What does your husband think? Could he possibly have a word with her?
littletinkers · 28/07/2011 08:12
He has had a word with her now. She is starting to turn her venom on him now too! She is obsessed with not spending any money and sees all forms of expenditure beyond cheap absolute necessity as greedy self-indulgence. Well hubby is a banker... She has started to see him negatively rather than seeing that she is at fault. tbh I thnik she is a lost cause and management of the situation via fairly extreme measures is the way forward. unfortunately her daughter is nearly as bad. she said to me the other day when we went to visit "it's great for you when you come here isn't it as you don't have to do anything"... bear in mind I am recovering from severe depression... nice. avoid to the max is possibly best option.
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Haudyerwheesht · 28/07/2011 08:19
My MIL isn't quite so bad cos her comments fly JUST under the radar of unacceptabiltiy - which is annoying because it means I can never really pull her up on it too successfully.
She did come into our house once and take all the curtains to wash!!! We came home and thought a very odd burglar with a curtain fetish had visited. The spare key was returned after that!!!
So many other things such as seemingly being desperate to tell me several members of the family are infertile and then they go on to have children!! Also told me about sil's miscarriage when asked not to and about her pregnancy before 12 wereks scan when asked not to!
Haudyerwheesht · 28/07/2011 08:21
Oh and when I gave birth she said he (dh) must be exhausted and he should be at home in bed not visiting us.
Darnsarfupnorf · 28/07/2011 08:25
mines the same pam we had a great relationship while i was pregnant and her son went through the 'utter knobhea*d' phase but since dd was born all her 'your daddy used to do that', 'your daddy used to look like you', 'your daddys the bet thing since sliced bread comments drive me to the brink!
since dd was 2 months old shes been pressuring about weaning, asking if ive triedd her on baby rice yet and when i say no, shes not ready she looks at dd and says 'i bet youd eat anything wouldnt you baba! lets get you a nice big steak!' SHES BARELY 4 MONTHS OLD AND SHES NOT READY FOR BABY RICE YOU STUPID WOMAN!!!
last week when she came round to look after dd she gave her a WHOLE milky bar, she gave MY 3 month old a WHOLE miky bar!!!!
and last night she dropped the bombshell that she was moving house...to the exact area im looking at moving to in a few weeks! so dd can 'have nanny on tap'.... so now ive got to find a new plae to live because theres no way i can live within walking distance of the woman!
not as bad as most mil stories ill admit but its nore than enough for me! rant over!
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TheFrogs · 28/07/2011 08:26
Well my ex mil took it upon herself to rush my ds to hospital (in a taxi? 
), because her gp said he had heart failure...charged us for said taxi later on.
Biatch.
mumatron · 28/07/2011 08:33
Where do I start?
Kept telling people about pregnancy/miscarriages even when firmly told not to. 4 times.
When dd was born she had a strop when I told her she couldn't take her out for the day. Dd was ebf and was just a few days old. She would storm out of the house when we would say no.
When dd was about 14 weeks old she decided to feed her tinned spaghetti hoops, without asking me. Found out later she had been giving her loads of things for weeks before. Including a whole plum not sure what she thought dd could do with that.
She would say she was taking dd to the shop, max 30 min trip, and not come home for 2-3 hours. Never checked when she was due food or anything. No changing bag or anything.
She also kept letting herself in when we were out saying she needed something for dd, she never. She slipped up one day by letting herself in when she thought we were out but we were in and dd was with us. No excuse for that one.
I could go on and on. It's a shame really as we got on so well before DD came along.
Pameladej · 28/07/2011 08:43
Haha darn! A milky bar! That's crazy! My MIL for some reason is also desperate to get my baby onto solids. He was a big baby (10lb 3oz) and straight away wanted me to put cereal in a bottle of milk for him.
She questions EVERYTHING that I do and it is exhausting feeling I need to explain myself all the time. If I say I'm putting him down for a nap she'll say 'aw look, he's not tired'. If I go to pick him up when he cries apparently I'll spoil him. When I said that I had let him sleep in my bed when he was 2 weeks old as I was so tired I couldn't face putting him back in his Moses basket she said I'd be stuck with him in my bed forever!
She's not washed my curtains yet though (although she regularly will find my heap of ironing and will do that while managing to make me feel like her son deserves a more domesticated wife!)
Pameladej · 28/07/2011 08:46
littletinker your MIL sounds genuinely mean! Avoidance is a good idea.
stillfrazzled · 28/07/2011 09:54
If my OWN mother fed my tiny baby (esp tinned spag hoops and chocolate) when I wasn't there I'd make sure she was never alone with my child again. My sympathies.
My problem with my MIL is that she's just not really interested in my kids. Right now that's looking like the lesser of two evils...
littlewater · 28/07/2011 10:08
Well my MIL is not in your face, she is a meek as a mouse. Most of you think this is a good thing, but no.
she lives in our house because her son spent all her savings but she is ok with it. He phones her up to make her a cup of tea, she happly offers him a biscuit too. Now because he needs a room in the house for his work, he bought her a caravan to live in on the driveway.
Lw
Darnsarfupnorf · 28/07/2011 12:30
omg pam are we talking about the same woman?!
if ONLY she washed the curtains! or contributed anthing infact! instead she just orders her son around or if hes not there (more often than not as he works nights) she sits there looking pathetic
my mum was shocked when i told her tis as when she visits shes never away from the sink or the washer! (which also annoys me a little but i know shes only trying to help!)
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crazycarol · 28/07/2011 16:57
When I first met my now MIL she spent the whole evening talking about dh's previous girlfriend. X did this, X did that. When X came to visit she brought me flowers. It was steadily downhill after that. Fortunately for me we are now 400 miles away. Last Christmas we got a card: To dh and wife Do you think she forgot my name?
littletinkers · 28/07/2011 18:57
There are some horrors out there aren't the?! Please god we don't get like that. I have a theory that the older generation will be worse than us as house and childcare was pretty much all that some of them had and thought they were expert at (my MIL works in nurseries so thinks she knows pretty much everything and is an expert....) - many of our generation have had a life outside of that. I think mine is real a bit of a bitter old cow - and it runs to deep for me to do much about without years of effort and I don't plan to become her life coach!
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Emsyboo · 29/07/2011 12:48
Soo glad I found this thread
Nice to know your not the only one with crazy in laws!
My DH seems to constantly need the approval of his parents to the extent that he will put everything (including work) to one side to do them a favour so I can't talk to him about it!
My MIL was lovely until I started planning the wedding then the cracks started to show little comments. Now I have our 7 month old DS and things are soo much worse.
She has her own baby a large doberman that is her priority and is convinced that putting my DS's hand is his mouthto be licked is the best way to get them aquainted. I don't mind animals and children as long as their is good training and supervision but this dog jumps up and bites me. Hurting me a few times when I was pregnant but I am the bad one for being mean to her dog.
The worse thing is the comments she says in a really positive tone, if you don't listen to the words you think she is being really nice and I think my hubby doesn't listen to the words just the tone lol
Just after giving birth she told me I 'looked like I'd done 12 rounds with Mike Tyson', she keeps commenting on my gorgeous DS that 'isn't it a shame they always inherit the things you don't want them to?' it goes on!
She drives me mad but every time I mention anything to DH he dismisses it as I am suffering from PND, fair enough I may be taking it worse however my Mum has been around when the comments have been said and thinks the same as me!
Gonzo33 · 30/07/2011 19:27
All I am going to say is I am glad I live over 2000 miles away from mine and that she doesn't "do" communication.
Chloejp91 · 31/07/2011 00:19
crazycarol the 'and wife' comment did make me chuckle out loud. Sorry to laugh though!
Oh MILs. Where would we be without them aye. I don't see mine at all seeing as she's in another continent -thank God- but she is lovely, the only issue I have really, is the fact that she refuses to call my son by his name, but will instead call him the name she wanted me to give him!
Your Mil OP sounds like a nightmare.. Avoidance is definitely a good suggestion.
Chloejp91 · 31/07/2011 00:19
crazycarol the 'and wife' comment did make me chuckle out loud. Sorry to laugh though!
Oh MILs. Where would we be without them aye. I don't see mine at all seeing as she's in another continent -thank God- but she is lovely, the only issue I have really, is the fact that she refuses to call my son by his name, but will instead call him the name she wanted me to give him!
Your Mil OP sounds like a nightmare.. Avoidance is definitely a good suggestion.
stellsie · 20/06/2014 00:26
Just so glad I am not alone! And (mostly) you have all made me laugh, ESPECIALLY the card addressed to her son and 'wife' !!!!
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